What Happens to the Magic When Fear Enters?

There must be down time in the creative process. No matter how successful a creative coupling is, an emotional and physical break needs to occur for the partners’ creative ideas to rejuvenate. In the real world, bands go on tour, a theater production runs, an art exhibit is produced and then each of those art experiences end giving a natural break to the creatives involved in these endeavors. the ARTs dept. gets school-year breaks, which we need those to rest and recoup from our teaching day jobs which are long and mentally exhausting. All teaching jobs are that. We also need creative breaks from each other. How do you build a break into a collaboration when most days you are working side by side?

For us, it has sort of naturally played out. As the anxious Boomer, feeling a bit like time is running out, I have proposed a number of options in our creative endeavors:

• “How about we set aside 20 minutes of our lunch hour every day to work on new songs?”

• “Any interest in creating a timeline for our next album?”

•  “Can I take your bus and car duty? That would then give you a bit time to work on the music portion of our songs.” 

My wide-eyed, frenetic suggestions get met with Billy V.’s millennial laid back responses:

• “I can create only when I am feeling it.”

• “You will get two more songs from me, but I can’t tell you when.”

• “We have plenty of time. You worry too much.”

As one half of a partnership, I have learned to be patient. I try to walk through the music room, which is my access to the rest of the building, without bugging him about our musical babies. Creating and finishing songs will happen when they happen. So, time is an issue for us. But isn’t time always an issue when your art is a part time gig in an already full- time, very filled life?

One emotion I did not expect to feel in our collaboration was fear. After our successful Lifelines album release party, success for us, defined by us, is performing in front of our family and friends and having fun while doing it. At least, that is my definition of success. It surprised me when Billy V.  asked me one day,

“Do you ever wonder if continuing something that was magical is worth trying to repeat? What if we can’t create the interesting work we did before?”

What? Of course, we keep working together, I thought. My goal is for the ARTS dept. to produce at least three albums. Not sure that is your goal or interest-BUT it is my intent. 

That was in my head. I think what came out of my mouth was, 

“Oh well, I think we should keep working.”

Billy V. just shrugged, and at that moment our next classes arrived for music and art. 

Fear and apprehension are a byproduct of any creative endeavor. There really is no rhyme or reason as to when a creative idea will burst forth. Expectation and deadline can be daunting. Some creatives experience, “the imposter syndrome.” It has been described as an individual doubting ones’ skill or talent and then fearing being exposed as a fraud. I don’t think that is the fear that inhabits either Billy V or me. I think we both still enjoy the creative process of songwriting. Yet there is the fear of falling into a creative rut with producing work. Since we have produced an album and placed it out in the world, subsequent music placed in the world is a continuation of what we have done in the past. It is not a new adventure. So how to keep working and not let fear creep into the process?

To avoid getting stale we have developed a little game. We brainstorm all sorts of themes we would like to explore: mothers and sons, tree communication, and murder and mayhem, just to name a few. We then separately write out phrases that describe these different themes. We then exchange the lists, and pick the topics or lines which resonate with us individually we. This then gives me a starting point for lyrics. We continue the back-and-forth exchange of words while Billy V. formulates what type of music would best fit the lyrics.

The bigger question is, how do we take a leap of faith and create something new when the first adventure was so joyful? I actually remember squealing, and jumping up and down after we finished our first 10 songs on the Lifelines album. I am still thrilled and so very satisfied when we complete a new song. However, it seems to be more of a checkmark on a list rather than a magical experience. I will certainly take the checkmark. Singing and creating is still wonderful, just maybe not as magical. 

In Mel Robbins’ book, The Let Them Theory,  the author describes three aspects of adult friendships that are crucial to friendships surviving: proximity, timing and energy”

“These pillars are the invisible foundations every friendship is built on.

When friends drift away, fall apart, or lose touch, it is because one or more of these three essential pillars is missing.”

This theory has challenged my apprehension about my impending retirement. What happens to the most stimulating, productive and just plain fun creative partnership, I think I have ever had, when it loses proximity come June 2025? 

When I posed this fear to Billy V. he responded,

“Proximity will be a problem, but it could make for an even more interesting creative opportunity. Your life is going to change dramatically when you retire. But maybe all those experiences and emotions will show-up in your art in ways you can’t even imagine.”

As a human I lean toward anxiety and worry as my go to when faced with change and the unknown. And really who knows what my life next year will be like? It could be way better than my little brain can even imagine. I hope so.

 Maybe all of life’s little fears just lead us to the one big fear we will all face. And maybe our ability to deal with fear throughout our life allows us to go gracefully into the unknown. I am not sure I wholeheartedly believe that, but the sentiment is a good one, right? Toggling back and forth between fear and joy is a tightrope adventure which I am determined to continue. Just hope I can keep dragging my talented friend with me on this musical life journey.