Lucy and the One Night Stands

“You are a BADASS!” Lynn, Warrenville, IL

“Your band was great. So talented.” Mike, Wheaton, IL

“I was walking the dog. I heard your band. I am sorry I missed the concert.” 

Jane, Glen Ellyn, IL

“We all had tears in our eyes.” Eileen, Glen Ellyn, IL

“Mom you did it!” Virginia, Brooklyn, NY               “ROCK on Mom.” George, Chicago, IL

“We sounded pretty good.” Billy Van Duzor, North Aurora, IL

“Take a bow Lu Lu.” Marion, Richland, WA

The evening of July 27, 2019 was magical. My husband Billy, myself and our grown children spent the day readying our home for my self-orchestrated rock and roll birthday celebration. A barbeque buffet was set for guests to enjoy, the backyard was groomed for lawn sitting, and the deck was swept clean of debris. The twinkle lights were hung in the tree on the deck which served as the stage for “Lucy and the One Night Stands.”

 The weather was spectacular. A breezy 70-degree evening, a rarity at the height of a Chicago summer. Backyard lawn seating started at 6:30. The audience set-up their blankets and chairs amidst the garden beds of prairie plants and tables with beer, wine and red solo cups. After plying party goers with food and drink-a three drink minimum was required of the audience before the band started- my band started playing at 8  pm sharp. It was pure joy. I was singing with an incredibly talented band, whom I had convinced to support me in my dream of being a rock star.

The band had done a quick run-through of all the songs at 5 pm. I was super nervous and of course there were some technological glitches. But all was righted by 6:30 when guests started arriving. My family insisted I stay in the house or the back yard while they greeted concert goers in the front. They wanted to make the party as much like a real concert as possible. Guests checked in at a card table and received a wrist band if they were over 21.  As I looked out at the sea of family and friends on our lawn, I was overcome with gratitude and love for all of the people in my life. 

So, this happened. I was a ROCK STAR for a night. One magical evening in the middle of a Chicago summer, my family and friends suspended their disbelief and allowed me to live out my dream. I couched the notion as a way to celebrate my double nickels birthday.  It may have taken me four full years from crazy idea to actually pulling off a rock concert, but I did it. I had to convince a lot of people that this event could happen. Maybe that is my secret super-power? Convincing people to take part in my crazy creative notions.

The idea first came to me while attending a play at the iconic Chicago theater-Steppenwolf, in 2015. They had just created a small theater adjacent to their bigger space. This small theater space was rentable to bands, theater groups, comics - anyone willing to perform and pay for the space. My head was spinning with possibilities.

 My childhood friend Eileen and I like to celebrate big birthdays together. After viewing the space, I proposed a 60^th birthday celebration -nine years away-that would consist of renting the small theater and producing a variety show for friends and family. Wouldn’t that be fun? The response I got was quite unexpected. 

“No way. I am not performing anytime in the near future. You can do it. I will support you, but I will not be joining you on stage.” 

Performing for me has been a part of who I am for almost - forever. I remember being in my basement as a child making up plays for my imaginary friend ARLA (where does a 3 year-old come up with an Imaginary friend with that name?) and I to perform. I was part of a children’s theater group in grade school, where a musical was produced once a year. I was a theater geek.

Throughout high school, I was part of the theater crowd. I shared the lead character roles of musicals and dramas with my friend Eileen. One year she would be the lead, I would be the supporting role. The next year our roles would be reversed. Throughout this time, I remember playing albums on the shared family turntable, holding up an air-mike and singing my little heart out! There was something about performing that gave me such a rush. A high without any added substances. Just my own voice and body.

Performing got me through the awkward teenage years. I would become a different character on stage or in the basement, as I was trying to overcome early puberty (age 10) which threw my child’s body into an adult size body in the 5^th grade. I had the same women’s body I have now, as a 55-year-old. It was not easy being the “plump kid.” Junior high kids are especially cruel and I was the butt of a good share of jokes.  Performing, even if it was pretending in my basement, helped me escape. 

I went to a Big Ten Midwestern University. It was made clear to me by my parents that they would not financially support a college study of music and or theater. At the time I was okay with that. I figured I could always audition on my own if I really wanted to perform. I got a degree in Elementary Education which has afforded me a career where I perform every day- all day long! Keeping the attention of 25 students for seven hours a day takes a lot of energy, acting and improvising on the spot. It also has provided me with a career that gave me great work-family-life balance. I went to work when my kids went to school. Teaching has worked out well for me and my family.

So, when Eileen said, “No” to the 60^th birthday performance idea, I put the Steppenwolf rental/Variety Show on the back shelf of my crazy mind.

Fast forward to school year 2017-18. I had changed jobs at my elementary school teaching gig. I was now setting-up the art room at Benjamin Franklin Elementary. Really my dream job. After 18 years of teaching in a number of different roles; Special Ed, ESL, Gifted, Third grade – I finally landed a job where I could explore the creative process. I would be teaching a subject which did not require me to administer standardized tests or evaluate any student’s work, other than a participation grade. The one glitch to my dream job was location. I would have to share my classroom with another teacher. Some genius designed the art and music rooms as one big space. 

I learned that the music teacher, with whom I would be sharing a space with, was a brand-new hire.  The music teacher was a he, quite unusual for an Elementary School music position. He came from a middle school teaching gig and was my eldest son’s age. In those first few weeks of teaching in a shared space we fumbled through the poorly thought-out logistics together. It was not an ideal teaching space for either of us, but we made it work. Little did I know how amazingly talented he was and is.

I witnessed a new musical instrument arriving at school every other day. By week 7 or 8, I asked him if there was any musical instrument he couldn’t play? He very humbly replied, “It’s just my thing. Other people play sports, I play music. I don’t know it is just something I can do.” When pressed, Billy V does admit, 

“I have not mastered the violin yet. There is something in the bowing which I can’t get.” 

S0, the answer is no. There isn’t a musical instrument he cannot play. It still amazes me. As I got to know my work roommate, I learned that he spent a number of years traveling with different bands, he played in wedding bands, was part of the summer festival tours, and collected all sorts of musical instruments which are housed in the third bedroom of the house he shares with his wife and daughters.

 I finally asked him one day, 

“What the hell are you doing at Ben Franklin Elementary?” 

“I chose this life. It is a much better fit for me and my family,”  he replied.

He is so mature. Wise beyond my years.

That is one of the Billys. Billy Van Duzor. Not to be confused with Billy Dallman, my husband of 36 years. What are the chances that the man I spend my workday with and the man I have built my family/home life with would share the same name? BILLY. How many people do you know that go by that name? Thus, I refer to Billy Van Duzor as Billy V. It is so much easier on my brain.

I often refer to Billy V. as my young Sensei. He is a self-proclaimed introvert. His art teacher partner is the exact opposite. What Introvert is going to throw a birthday party for herself and make the guests believe she is a rock star?! I talk and talk and talk. And he listens or humors me and pretends to listen. When he does share a thought, observation or story, I am amazed by his profound insights. I go through life boisterously doing and not always thinking things through. Billy V never seems to jump into anything without thinking through his actions. 

In October of 2017 when I off-handedly told him, I had always wanted to be a rock star. He asked no questions. He didn’t even blink. 

“Well, you should do that. We can make that happen.” 

If the ultra-talented and experienced musician thinks I could pull-off being a ROCK STAR for one night, maybe I could.

I got the musical genius to help me, and then I needed to break it to my family and friends that in the summer of 2019, as I turned 55, they would be invited to “Lucy and the One Night Stands.” Every telling of the future event resulted in many questions and strange looks. As I told friends, colleagues or my family members I was universally met with an odd questioning look and then asked all sorts of clarifying questions:

Who is in the band?

• Music teacher on acoustic and electric guitars

• Friend’s husband on drums

• Nephew from California coming in for the weekend on the keyboard

Me – vocals

Where will you perform?

• Our backyard

• Lawn seating-bring your own chair

• There will be food and drink before hand

What are you going to sing?

• Four songs by Mary Chapin Carpenter

• Five songs by the Indigo Girls

• One  Sonny and Cher duet

 Blank stare and confused look on a friend’s face. Then,

 “Why are you doing this?”

• Maybe this is my mid-life crisis?

• I like to celebrate birthdays?

• Wait, doesn’t everyone want to be a ROCK STAR?

With each question I was then forced to refine what I wanted and my crazy idea was turning into something.

I started taking singing lessons. I practiced with Billy V during our common break time. I contracted with a graphic designer to create invites. I made list upon lists of food, and pondered the logistics of the backyard and day of timelines. Throughout the plannon, I got all kinds of encouragement. These wild out of the box thinking ideas are not new to me. Most of my friends and family are used to my crazy creative notions which may or may not come to fruition. I believe the journey is more important than the outcome (process vs product.) In this instance there was only one glitch in the process.

The resistance came from my husband. He didn’t want to squelch the rock star idea, he just wanted to be in the band. This was not an unreasonable request. My husband and I met back in college doing musical theater. But this gig was mine. I wanted to do it all on my own. We had spent the last 30-plus years working together to raise and provide for three children. Our family always came first. And when you make those choices a little bit of yourself gets lost along the way. I would not change any of the choices we made. But maybe it was my turn to break out, just a bit, on my own. I knew that it had to be my show. 

“What do you mean I don’t get to be a part of the band?”  was Billy D’s mantra for quite some time.

Billy D and I had many conversations leading up to the concert which always ended in,

 “I know this is hard for you- I really want this to be my thing not our thing.” 

We compromised. He got one song and the role of emcee. He wasn’t pleased, but he acquiesced.

That is Billy Dallman. The number one Billy. Whom I met while performing in a college play. Who for 38 years, has been my life-partner. He takes care of me. I am the scatter brained, pile- making, creative to his ultra-organized, black and white military thinking. 

Billy D. and I met back in 1985 at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, in his sophomore year an my junior year. We met while acting and singing in the musical Godspell. His solo was “All Good Gifts.” Mine was “Day by Day.” If I reflect, those two songs could sum up our life together thus far. 

Living life together for more than a third of a century in the western suburbs of Chicago has been a wild ride in ordinary middle-class life. Not always easy. Yet certainly, always an adventure. Lots of give and take. And as for the birthday rock star adventure my husband had to give way more than he was able to take. He did not get to participate as much as he would have liked. He wanted to sing lots of songs with the band. He got one: his Sonny, to my Cher.

 Billy D. surprised me the night of the concert by selling T-shirts to the 100 plus guests. Unbeknownst to me, he had printed them with the band name and concert details. He instructed the audience to put the t-shirt on after I started singing the second song. I have to say, it does bring a tug to my heart when I think about all of the times when he has supported me in my creative adventures. And when we really kiss, I still get a little butterfly in my stomach.  That Billy Dallman, he is my rock star.  

The concert itself was amazing. Okay, it might have been amazing just my head, but the heart glow that I get every time I think about it counts for something. We started the concert without an introduction. We just started playing the Mary Chapin Carpenter cover, “Down at the Twist and Shout.” The backyard was a sea of party goers, full of tiki torches and people milling around eating and drinking. My school peeps/work colleagues were there. Friends and acquaintances from all areas of my life showed up for me on my rock concert birthday party. 

The second song started and suddenly audience members were putting on concert T-shirts. The backyard was now a sea of pink and purple swaying with the music of the night. I chose nine songs by two girl bands, The Indigo Girls and Mary Chapin Carpenter, songs which were released and became hits when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. The songs I chose to sing as a 55-year old  rock star told a story; “I Feel Lucky,” “Passionate Kisses,” “I Take My Chances” - all describe strong women working through life’s trials with grit and determination. There are lines in the Indigo Girls songs that choke me up even thinking about singing them: “Galileo’s” I offer thanks to those before me- that’s all I have to say. Both “Closer to Fine” and “Shame on You” sum-up my beliefs of religious practices and racial injustice. Then on a lighter note, the Sonny and Cher song “I’ve Got You Babe,” epitomized my courtship with my husband. The power of music took over for me that night.

Of course, the band rocked-out.  We had rehearsed enough that the songs were recognizable, sing-along-able and mostly in tune. At rehearsals leading to the concert I kept reiterating to my bandmates that the only goal of the evening:

“We Can Not SUCK!”

Music is music. It is always magical no matter the quality. Even bad music tells a story. That night all the musicians came together to create a memorable concert. Certainly not musically perfect, but nothing I do is perfect.  I do believe everyone in attendance at “Lucy and the One Night Stands” felt the LOVE and positive energy of the evening.

It is hard for me to write about the rock star birthday event without thinking about all of the amazing people in my life. My parents must have played a part in creating such a confident human. I truly believe I can do anything I set my mind to. And let me tell you, I’m not really that talented. I just keep plugging away at what I am interested in. Nature vs. Nurture, I don’t know? But something was given to me in this lifetime which allows me to believe I can pretty much achieve what I want to do. So, thanks Mom and Dad for the loving home in which I grew-up and for giving me a supportive base to thrive in. 

The spouse I chose, way back when, has always supported my creative ideas. Even if he didn’t get to sing every song with the band the evening of my birthday, he surprised me with the little touches of making the night magical; wristbands, T-shirts, directing the crowd in concert etiquette…the list goes on and on. Many guests commented that our Sonny and Cher duet was the highlight of the evenng.

 My grown children also support me. There are many 20-somethings who would not choose to spend a Saturday night with their parents in the suburbs. Mine spent the entire day setting-up and then were the loudest audience members singing and dancing to the band’s show. Unbeknownst to me, my friend Eileen arranged for a videographer to record the event. She insisted  this was an important event that needed to be recognized. So, there is now a visual record of “Lucy and the One Night Stands.” I invited anyone I knew to the concert, and over 100 people showed up.

What was magical about the evening was not that I was a rock star for one night, lthough, I have to admit, it was pretty amazing. What was magical was an evening of friendship and music. It was a veritable lovefest of friends, family, laughter, tears, cheering, and music, helped along by a lot of alcohol. We passed a hat and thanks to the generosity of my friends and family we collected $2,500 for a local literacy charity. I thought I wanted to be a rock star, but what I really found out on the night of my 55^th birthday was how important all the people in my life are to me. My friends and family really did treat me like a rock star. I am blessed.

As a human who has lived for more than half a century, I firmly believe we all need friends. Some of us need many, some just one. Traveling through this life without close human connections I believe is a problem. I worry about the next generation who view online friendships as human connections. Maybe I’m just becoming that generational Luddite. I do believe the human touch, voice and presence are what pulls us through life. 

I try to make friends everywhere I go. It helps that I am truly interested in learning about other people and what makes them tick. It also helps that I’ m married to someone who shares the same interest in collecting friends.

I do know how lucky I am. I am grateful for all I have been given thus far in my life. I have sought out and surrounded myself with interesting, caring, kind and generous people. I am so blessed and grateful for the life I live, made possible by the many people I have collected along the way. I do hope my super-powers of connecting with, collaborating with and collecting friends everywhere I go, holds out for the rest of my life. 

PS BTW

• In 2018, Eileen auditioned for and was accepted into the famed Second City Improv Conservatory Class. Maybe the variety show at Steppenwolf for our 60^th is a possibility?

• “Lucy and the One Night Stands” has morphed into “the ARTs dept.” Billy V. and I sing most days from 10-10:20 AM. We are working on a new play list. Stay tuned.

• Billy Dallman still wants to join the band.